We have a list of Drs. we can choose from

We have Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois…we have a list of Drs. we can choose from. Basic care is covered (like checkups). There are deductibles for some things. Dental is through a MetLife company.

Covers preventive stuff, like exams and cleanings, at 100% and other things at 80%. He pays about 200. per month–deducted by his employer–for this coverage. I’ve brought the boys to most of their Drs. appts. and have brought them to their first dental appts. as well….I want them to have the habit of going to the Dr./Dentist so they will keep doing it into adulthood. They also see that I go to the Dr./Dentist and that I take care of myself (as best I can) and that this is what one does.

I figure…if you are fortunate enough to have coverage…you should use it.

He is trying to get you to take care of him

I think he is trying to get you to take care of him. I know one woman who was in a situation almost exactly like yours and her husband got injured in a car crash – shortly after she’d prepared her exit plan (you need to do a yahoo group search for emotional abuse) You will find you are all married to the same man.

Anyway, when he was injured she had to lay out his clothes, wash him in the shower and help dress him. Well, she’s still doing it. And asking herself why? It’s really sad. Be careful and if you decide you want to leave do NOT tell him because even if he isn’t a physical abuser that can change in a second.

Many employers don’t have benefits – if there are no health problems it is fairly inexpensive – as low as $250 a month for some insurance – like here with blue cross. But in arizona even when we were making fair m oney, we couldn’t get insurance for me due to pre-existing.

Thanks for your message

Thanks for your message. I bring up the issue about every 4 – 6 months or so and every time I do he tells me to stop nagging and that he’ll think about it. I have tried every approach….stern, concerned, playful, you name it.

He’s afraid of going to the dentist. Both of his parents neglected their health–would NOT go to doctors– (also neglected their finances, and, even though both were working could not pay for my husband’s education) and died in their sixties (cancer and liver failure).

Frankly, when he doesn’t show interest in taking care of himself I really do wonder about this….as a father with two young children I would think that it was his responsibility to take care of his health, if not for himself, then for their sake.

Just like with the money issue, I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall.

Your post compels me to say something

I’m a lurker in this list. However, your post compels me to say something. It seems to me that someone who is employed, as your husband is, should have access to medical insurance, which covers basic medical needs such as yearly checkups and dental cleanings. Dental hypogene is important for heart health. I would opt for taking him and yourself to counseling. At least that is seeing one medical practitioner, who may influence him when you can’t.

Someone who pays no attention to basic medical needs such as dental and yearly checkups at age 46 has, in the words of Ann Landers, “a geranium in his cranium”, and may end up in an early grave.

And since I’m going back to lurker status, I do want to say before returning to it that the recommendations of this list of Dave Ramsey’s books is a great one. If you haven’t already started reading his books, I would suggest you do and start applying his methods for controlling debt. I’m on baby step one.

I may go to a lawyer

Thanks for all your messages. I may go to a lawyer (there is one in our area who gives free initial consultations) and see whether I can get my husband to sign a formal, legal agreement that he will repay the monies used to pay off AMEX.

I also would like if he would agree to have his salary paid into my checking account, and for me to take over handling the household accounts.

I also would plan to either cut out cable (or go to basic), go back to dial-up service, try to reduce our power/utility costs and grocery costs.

Those are my immediate thoughts.

I’m not sure how this weekend will go.

Thanks….so much….for all your feedback. It really does help.

This guy is not going to change

It should be very clear this guy is not going to change. My mother told the story that the week before they got married, my father told her he quit his job. She considered cancelling the wedding but that sort of thing wasn’t done way back then. She would have been better off if she had. He would have great jobs, quit them and then take a crappy job which he would complain about. Neither of my parents were good with money and I inherited that. I do my best.

Anyway, your husband does not seem to understand what is involved with his one son and with both his children in general. My gosh, doing the simple math, let’s say he takes 36,000 home a year. After subtracting rent, he has $1575 a month extra which could be put in savings, etc.

I wish I had that much extra every month. My bills would be paid in no time. Sometimes I even have to go sites like https://whoneeds500.com/ and apply for $500 payday loan to makes my ends meet (((

I paid off 40K worth of credit debt

A year after we married I paid off 40K worth of credit debt (I also paid for the wedding/honeymoon expenses, which were 13K). But, I figured, if the debts were gone then we were starting with a clean slate. He assured me that it wouldn’t happen again. I pressed him, multiple times, to sit down with me and formulate a budget, but he was very resistant and said it wouldn’t work since expenses varied from month to month. I would draft and then type up budgets for his consideration. I took him at his word and trusted him to keep things under control. I asked him pointedly, many times, how we were doing, could we afford this, or that, and he always said yes, we could.

(He is similarly resistant about going to the Dr. or the Dentist, which drives me crazy as he is 46 and has two minor dependents and really should be looking after himself.)

In the interim, we had two children (now 6 and 4). Our 6 year old is disabled (autistic) and at about a 1-year level of functioning. Our four-year old is developing typically.

Then I investigated a first-time homebuyers program and I found out that he had grossly underestimated our actual level of debt. I believed it to be about 9K (tax debt which was being paid off) but it was in actuality, higher than that. I was very hurt and felt betrayed and angry, but extracting information from him was that difficult.

We don’t go out. I subscribe to one magazine. We don’t eat out. Most of my clothes are second-hand and the boys clothes are mainly birthday/Christmas gifts from relatives.

My husband’s income is 60K, take-home is about 40K. Our rent is $1425. The car will be paid off in October. We have basic telephone service, no extras. We don’t belong to any movie or book clubs. We don’t have club memberships and we don’t donate to charities.

I do want to cut out the cable and go back to a dial-up service but the (multiple) times I have brought this up my husband tries to tell me that I am trying to punish him.

Believe me, I do want to be on the same page and I would really prefer, at this point, if I were in charge of budgeting and household expenditures.

One thing I am doing is selling my books on Half

I am not familiar with the terms pro-rata plan or debt snowball by Dave Ramsey (here is the link to his website)

I would say that I am fairly religious. I have prayed about this. I had hoped to preserve these savings for a trust fund for our disabled son or for my other son’s education or for our retirement. I feel very strongly that we should live within our income and I do feel very resentful and angry (sometimes) that my husband did not tell me what was going on. Even when I did ask about things he would not disclose the information.

I truly want things to work out for us but I cannot give him 15-20K every couple of years because he is reluctant to change when I have always been ready to make the changes necessary to live within our income.

I know being in debt is depressing

I know being in debt is depressing but try stay steady for your kids.Please don’t think I’m trying to judge your husband but he is really being selfish right now b/c his actions affect the entire family.I think as long as you do all the work he will never hit bottom concerning his debt b/c he feels that your “nest egg” will sustain you guys. I think you should not pay AMEX for your husband if you all will not lose your essentials.

A local debt counselor told me I was in too big a hurry to pay off something that took me years to accumulate.Instead she told me to be patient with myself and take one thing at a time to make head way and to feel less depressed about what I got myself into.If you can use this advice in any capacity I hope it helps.Make your husband share some of this burden with you since it’s his burden.I wish you the best… Whenever if ever you need an ear,shoulder or an e-smile I’m always available.

It is scary the information that is out there

It is scary the information that is out there. Many of you may have heard of www.Zabasearch.com. You can type in someone’s name and their address is given and for a few bucks (under $20 which is nothing to the credit card companies and collection agencies) you can get a list of info like criminal record, relatives AND associates, etc. No doubt these services have access to stuff we would rather they did not know but how to protect it all. I’m unlisted in the phone book but there is my address for the world to see…

I wasn’t on there, but my husband and my mom are on there. Scary stuff. I wonder how accurate their background info is and if they know the last time I went to the bathroom?

How would I go about writing the limited cease and desist letter? If I do this, the calls will stop and they can only contact us by mail? Is this correct?

I had a divorce more then a few years ago and it was disgusting what was on my credit report. I had old debts that had been paid in full many years ago popping up as new debts with other Junk Debt buyers.

Anyways I looked online for help and found Credit Boards which has been a big help (they have sample letters, free no money) for people who want to do it themselves. I dont know if I can post websites but the two websites that have helped me clear up one of my credit reports totally, one almost there and we wont talk about about the third thats still be working on.

Anyways look on :




creditors calling family members

Today one of the credit card companies that is trying to collect a debt from us called my inlaws house looking for us. Am I wrong, but I was under the understanding creditors couldn’t call family concerning a collection of debt.

I’m guessing they maybe called because it was an old number for my husband, even though he’s 36 and hasn’t lived there since he was 17. I also thought they couldn’t identify themselves to someone other then us, they didn’t tell my inlaws what the call involved, but did tell them who was calling.

I think that is why they all want numbers of “friends and family” on the applications. I think they were out of line. It could be a violation, have you written a limited cease and desist letter that is certified mail, return reciept to this company, to only contact you in writing?

based upon what you have described, it appears to have been a lawful collection call. What does the law say about this? A debt collector can call anyone as long as they have not been directed to contact the debtor only by mail, and as long as they do not disclose the details. The rules are found in the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. Sections 804 and 805 of the Act address your concerns. Section 804 is below. Go to https://www.ftc.gov/enforcement/rules/rulemaking-regulatory-reform-proceedings/fair-debt-collection-practices-act-text#805 to read section 805.

I have had bill collectors call us for my sisters info. I got fed up and gave them her phone # but not an address or anything. They made a deal wiht her and my sister honestly didn’t realize she still had this debt it was from an old computer from a bunch of years ago. They lowered it to like she had to pay 30% of the debt so at least that’s off her back. But they also called my mom as well.

My inlaws would have never been listed. We barely speak to my inlaws and would never list them for anything. The fact that family was called on this is disturbing, but the fact that they out of all people were called is even more disturbing because they are the last people I would want involved in any of this because we don’t even let them get that involved in our regular life.

See if there are any do it yourself type places

See if there are any do it yourself type places. When I filed BK in 1990, I went throuh a place in LA called Legal Action Workshop. they do up all your paperwork and you speak to an attorney, but you go to court by yourself. Now, that was 17 years ago, a BK lawyer was charging $1000.00 to represent you, then do it yourself place charged $350.00. Call the Bar association and see if they have a place like that near you.

Is there a law college near you? Law students under supervision often help with legal paperwork in order to get experience. Some schools even have free or low-cost clinics. It can’t hurt to at least check it out.

Levy on bank account-question

I talked to a legal aid lawyer re-filing for bankruptcy, and yes, with some trepidation, but the cheapest lawyer I found wanted $2000, and I have no money.

I don’t own a home, old car, unemployed, less than $1000 in bank. So the legal aid lawyer told me they could not take my case for bankruptcy because I had nothing the creditors could take. [except my sanity].

The legal aid lawyer told me I did not have to worry about my bank account because they could not touch it since it was less than $1000. I now am waiting for a call back from her supervisor as to whether or not this is correct information. Meanwhile, though I would ask here. Anybody know?

They emptied out my account, all $672.00 of it, and I didn’t know it until I got an overdraft notice, so now all my checks are bouncing and I’ve got overdraft fees from the bank!

Thanks for any info.